Twelfth Legion, A Twelfth Night Parody
by MonstrousWalnut
Summary: "He was paid to play the fool. The rest of the world did it for nothing." A Heroes of Olympus fanfiction, based on Shakespeare's Twelfth Night! Many pairings inside, including ones not in the original play, but if I tell you what they are I'd be spoiling. Rated T for some mention of dirty stuff.


** *Clasps hands together* Please don't kill me.**

** Sorry, but I've been a little busy recently. For starters, I had my examinations in December, then I moped about for some time because I felt I'd done a horrible job on them, received my papers in January which proved my previous theory correct, celebrated my birthday (I'm officially a teenager now. Hurray), got a zero on a dictation, got banned from Fanfiction until July (the reason why I'm typing this secretively, throwing occasional nervous glances at my closed bedroom door), got betrayed by my second "best friend" who bitched about me behind my back to a dozen other of my classmates, ripped pictures of said traitor's face into half and threw them into the bin, and struggled to keep from pushing her off the roof of our school, and now BOOM! Here I am. Six-month hiatus anniversary.**

** So this story is my newest project, which I am publishing on the day which marks six months since I last clicked the "Publish" button. It's a Heroes of Olympus style Twelfth Night if you couldn't tell from the title, since we are now studying Shakespeare's stories in English Literature lesson.**

** Quick friendly reminder that this story is called Twelfth Legion instead of Twelve Cabins, which means it is centred around Camp Jupiter characters. The only Greeks in this story are Jason (if he counts), Piper and Leo, although others might make cameos later in the story.**

** Another quick friendly reminder that I'm infamous for typing a couple of chapters of a story then putting it on "permanent" hiatuses and getting started on another project. Don't blame me, blame this strange little noggin of mine, always getting weird ideas...**

** Third quick friendly reminder that I have changed my pen name from MugiwaraWannabe to MonstrousWalnut. Weird, I know. Read about it on my profile.**

** This time, I was inspired more by HestiaGirlOnFire than by anybody else. She's awesome; writes the best Fanfictions, but she hasn't published anything yet. Be sure to check her profile out if she does!**

** Disclaimer: The Camp Half-Blood Series belongs to Rick Riordan, and all Shakespeare stories belong to William Shakespeare.**

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New Rome was a great green island located in the Mediterranean Sea, of combed strawberry fields, of golden strips of wheat, and a grand villa. The villa was exclusively for use of the praetors that ruled over New Rome, and was split into male and female wings. In the male wing lived Jason, known to most as Praetor Grace, and well respected by many. He was a natural born leader, and was known for winning many great battles against outlanders that posed a threat to his country, but had an unhealthy obsession with Reyna, his fellow praetor who lived in the female wing next door and showed absolutely no interest in him.

"If love is the food of life," he sighed as he gazed out the window at the nearby fields, "I'm pretty sure I've had enough of it to get a stomachache…" but no matter how much Jason sighed and grumbled about his troublesome love life, Reyna would still have nothing to do with him, for she firmly insisted on keeping their relationship strictly professional. Indeed, it seemed that she would not engage in anything romantic with any man who would try to woo her: an unhealthy influence of her sister Hylla, who spent all her time with a feminist group called the Amazons, which went around trying to persuade women of the worthlessness of men.

"Oh, curse m'ss Hylla for all her se'ism," slurred Dakota, another young admirer of Reyna, who sought both her love and rum (though he was still too young to have rum, and had to go for Kool-Aid instead). He lived with many others in the Fifth Cohort, which was conveniently located a block away from Reyna's side of the villa. Every day he'd walk with his housemate Octavian to her place and wait outside the villa all day, both to wait for Octavian (for Octavian worked as a steward to Reyna's villa) and to catch a glimpse of his love.

Then one day out as sea sprung up a fearful tempest. Huge waves formed swirling whirlpools that whipped about a storm and tore the sea to shreds. A vessel unfortunate enough to be caught in the storm was plunged down and tossed up the waves, and whirled about the black ocean until at last the wood could hold no longer and cracked into two halves. The poor souls inside the vessel were mercilessly dropped into the sea. Desperately some clung to the broken remains of the vessel, while others, terrified, struggled to keep afloat in the raging waters of the storm.

But at last, the fiery sea regained its temper, and the waters were calmed until the wreckage was swept ashore. Some survivors lay, barely moving, on the golden sands for some time, as they regained their breath and rejoiced in their survival.

At last, one of the passengers that had lived through the terrible tempest groaned and lifted her head. "Oh, my back," she complained, getting into an upright position and staring up at the rising sun. "Where are we?"

"This is New Rome," replied Nico di Angelo, the surly captain who'd survived as well.

"And what would I do in New Rome?" She wailed. "Leo is in Elysium." Thinking a bit and deciding that her best friend was probably not worthy of that, Piper corrected herself, "Well, the Underworld, at least." She was from Long Island, and had been on her way to Greece with Leo when their ship had capsized. A thought popped into her head suddenly. "Wait- are there ships in New Rome that go to Greece or Long Island?"

Nico's sister lived in New Rome, so he visited there regularly. When he told Piper that New Rome was a busy dock famous for its easy transportation, she sighed with relief. "But you'll need to earn your keep to be able to buy a ticket back home, since I presume you've left your purse on the ship… "He looked Piper up and down contemplatively, and told her, "Yes, you're perfect as a eunuch. I mean, you even look like it- "

"_Excuse me?_"

Hastily, Nico told a fuming Piper that he was just joking. "But it's true, eunuchs earn the most… You should go work for Praetor Grace. Watch out though, he has this thing for Praetor Reyna… he's one of a kind, though…" At this point, Nico sighed dreamily, but blushed furiously when he noticed Piper staring at him curiously. "And don't worry about that Leo kid. I saw him clinging to the mast, screeching at the top of his lungs. Chances are he survived as well, but he just got washed up somewhere other than this beach."

"Ohhhkay, thanks for the friendly advice. Big bunch of sexist pigs these Romans are, though…"

And that was how Piper found herself in pants and suspenders. In memory of her best friend, Piper decided to be a Leo double, and so got herself a black curly wig and a tool belt just like the one he always wore around for no particular reason that she knew of. She also took to calling herself Leo, and went to the villa to apply for a job. Praetor Grace took "him" under his wing quickly as well, and she became not only his page, but also his best friend. In fact, within the space of three days, Jason had put so much trust into her that he asked her to go to Reyna's side of the villa and plead his love for her, as praetors were strictly forbidden from trespassing in the wing of the opposite gender. So Piper went, but with some reluctance, for within three days, she had already fallen in love with the praetor.

Reyna was none too pleased when he heard from her steward that there was a cheeky young man outside her villa standing with her daily visitor Dakota. If the newcomer's intention were the same as Dakota, he would also have to wait another day, she decided, and sent Octavian to dismiss both the men.

Octavian was as sullen and self-important as Dakota loved his Kool-Aid. He had a fearful sneer that went a mile wide, and instantly sent Dakota running the moment he set foot outside the gate. Octavian smirked and turned to his next victim, but still the infuriating curly-haired page would not budge from his post. "Let me in to see Reyna," he insisted stubbornly. "I have a message to her from my boss."

"No, and it's _Praetor_ Reyna!" Octavian practically screamed at the young man, but he did not flinch. The steward had no choice except give the man one last ugly sneer, and turn to enter the villa and inform his mistress of this annoying pest. Reyna groaned. Really, men! They were such imbeciles! It was bad enough that Reyna had to put up with her steward and Dakota and Jason, but no she had this man to deal with as well. It was no wonder Hylla had run off the join the Amazons; this was getting ridiculous.

As Octavian left the room sourly, Reyna went into the corner of her room and put on a black veil that Hylla had given her years ago. _Never let a madman see your face_, she had warned once. _They might potentially recognize you years after and kidnap you to sell you as a sex slave_.

All of these thoughts were pushed straight to the back of her mind when the madman himself marched straight through the door, with Octavian sulkily trailing behind him. The stranger had curly black hair, dark tanned skin and a beaming cheeky grin. From the top of his hair down to his slightly dirty shoes, he looked absolutely perfect. Reyna felt butterflies fluttering about in her stomach, but she kept her emotions under control.

"You would be that Reyna lady, I presume?" the stunning youth asked, stepping closer to her. He had unnervingly beautiful eyes, eyes that twinkled in the sunlight streaming in from the window nearby and making it impossible to tell what colour they were.

"Oy!" Barked Octavian from the door, ruining the perfect moment. "Stand back from _PRAETOR _Reyna, or I'll have to report you to my-"

"Octavian," warned Reyna, not taking her eyes away from the young man's. "I do appreciate your concern, but there are some conversations that are meant to be held in private."

"Yeah," agreed the youth. "I'm here just to deliver a message from my boss. I won't be long, so screw off."

Octavian harrumphed and stalked away.

Piper mentally high fived herself for such good acting. She couldn't trust her own personality not to betray herself for a lady's, so she'd adopted Leo's cheeky persona. _Not like he'd mind anyway_, she thought sadly, but regained her composure a moment later. _If Jason would fall for this lass, she must be something_. "Hey, would you mind if you, I don't know, lifted up your black veil thingy or something? I want to see who I'm talking to. And it's not exactly the seventeenth century." "Leo" posed, crossing "his" arms.

Reyna hesitated for a second as her sister's words echoed once more through her head, but this young man was too handsome to refuse, so she reached up and pulled off her veil, wondering whether she were betraying her sister as she did so. To Piper's disappointment, Reyna was quite the attractive competitor, with black, glossy hair tied up in a braid, dark skin and deep blue eyes like the ocean.

Deciding she could deal with appearances later, Piper cleared her throat and began, "I'm here with a message from Praetor Jason, my boss. He says that he…"

Reyna mentally groaned. This was not the first time that Praetor Jason had pleaded for her love through a page or a friend. Too scared to express his passion face to face? Cowardice! Reyna wished he would grow some backbone. Men were really too boring for words… _Most men, anyway_, she thought as she watched the young page stumble over his words as he described her beauty and modestly. He was much more interesting than plain, boring Jason: his long eyelashes, the cute dimple on his left cheek…

Reyna was entranced especially by his mysterious eyes: it wasn't just a problem of the lighting, it was actually impossible to distinguish their exact colour. They kept changing, from treebark brown to sea green to sky blue. Reyna was lost in the brown colour, and kept watching for them, and soon got so lost in the young man's eyes that she almost didn't notice when he'd finished his wild proclamation for his boss's love.

"What is your name?" She finally asked when she realized he was looking expectantly at her.

"Pi-" the page caught himself hastily, and Reyna looked at him with inquisitive curiosity. "Leo. My name's Leo."

"Leo," Reyna repeated, committing it to memory. Then she looked up at him. "I'm sorry, but I am still not interested in Praetor Jason. But please do come again, because I want to get to know you better."

After Leo had left, Reyna gazed out the window and released a heartfelt sigh, much like Jason had done several days ago. A smile found its way onto her lips, and had she more experience she would have recognized it as one of a lovesick person's. "Leo," she murmured softly to herself. "Such a nice name."

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**And there we have it! It might be some time before I can get Act 2 up though, so yeah! How was it? Please review! (I prefer constructive criticism to flames.)**


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